And just like that, spring is here

This winter was a tough one.

I felt pretty good going into the second semester of my senior year. I thought I had it all figured out, I had done everything right and this semester would be about coasting. Then my boyfriend – yup, the one I thought I’d be with forever – broke my heart, and everything changed.

There is a tree outside the window of my bathroom. Every morning since August I’ve looked out the window to see what the weather is like, how I should dress for the day. Throughout this breakup process, I’ve found symbolic significance in things that wouldn’t have mattered to me a few months ago.

We broke up in the winter, and as people outside my window huddled up and braced themselves against the biting winds, I curled up inside myself and braced myself for another wave of pain, tears, fear. I was in a dark place, but I took small comfort in knowing I could cover it up with disdain for the awful winter weather.
One particularly difficult morning when I was looking out the window I took a good look at the tree and told myself that by the time that tree was blooming, I would feel better. It was a promise I made with myself and even though I didn’t fully believe it, I tried my best so I had something to hope for.

This is the coldest spring Wisconsin has had in years, some have called it an extended winter. This morning I looked out the window and noticed the buds on the tree had finally unfurled to reveal ripe new leaves. Spring, like so many other things recently, has taken on a more personal meaning. Spring means rebirth, healing, blooming. While I certainly won’t say I’m all better now – the void I’m trying to fill is five years deep, I know it’s going to take a while to feel “all better” – I am healing.

This winter was a tough one.

My perspective on nearly everything changed – friendship, family, relationships, pride, my self. I didn’t believe anyone when they told me time was the only thing that would help. But they were right – well, half right, anyway.

Time has helped a whole lot, but I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without my support system. My friends and family have carried me through this in a way I never knew was possible. If I ever doubted their love before, there’s no way I could after these last few months. It took the loss of my core relationship, the one I had come to define myself through, to make me realize how many other fantastic people I’m fortunate to have in my life.

Spring is here, and I am so glad.

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2 responses to “And just like that, spring is here

  1. Hi Leia,

    This post was so beautiful. I found myself relating to it and thought every word was true. You’re right, after something like that happens you really learn who the important people are in your life, and you eventually realize that one person is not one of them. You’re moving onto a new life chapter soon and you’ll definitely make it through, coming out a stronger, more amazing woman!

    Love, Laura

    • Laura, seeing you and other girlfriends get through similar experiences gives me hope and strength. Thanks for saying that, and for still reading my blog. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one left but I’m so happy you are!

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